Alright, sister—let’s get real. If you’re in your 40s, fresh off a divorce, and wondering if love is still in the cards for you, let me stop you right there: YES, IT IS. Love isn’t just for 20-somethings with no baggage. In fact, your 40s are PRIME TIME for finding a partner who actually deserves you.
And who better to help us navigate this journey than Patti Stanger—the ultimate matchmaker who’s helped millions find love by combining self-worth, smart strategy, and a no-BS approach? So, grab a glass of wine (or a green juice, no judgment), and let’s dive into how you can date smarter, not harder after 40.
1. Clean Up Your Emotional Closet Before Jumping In
Listen, if you’re still dragging your ex-husband’s energy around like an overstuffed suitcase, we have a problem. Patti is crystal clear on this: unresolved emotional baggage will block new love from entering your life.
- Forgive and move forward – Not for him. For YOU. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting HIM to suffer.
- Reflect and learn – What did your past relationship teach you? What will you never tolerate again?
- Raise your vibe – Through journaling, meditation, therapy—whatever helps you shift into an energy of self-love and possibility.
2. Get Crystal Clear on Your Non-Negotiables
Patti preaches the power of the love list—and trust me, this is a game-changer. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’ll end up with…whatever swipes right.
- Non-Negotiables (Deal Breakers): Must want marriage, emotionally available, financially stable, same life values.
- Must-Haves (Bonuses): Tall, ambitious, loves dogs, has a passport.
When you have clarity, you waste less time. No more settling because you’re afraid you won’t find something better. Sis, you ARE the something better.
3. Let Him Chase You – Because Queens Don’t Chase
Patti is adamant about this: Men are hunters. Your job? Be the prize.
- Position yourself in high-value places—charity events, networking groups, golf courses, classy wine bars.
- Walk into a room like you OWN it. Men are drawn to confidence, not desperation.
- Stop doing all the work. Let them pursue. If he’s not making an effort, he’s not your guy.
4. Date Smart, Not Desperate
You’re not 22 anymore—you don’t have time to waste on “situationships” with emotionally stunted man-children. Patti’s advice? Be intentional.
- Use high-quality dating apps (The League, Bumble Premium, Match).
- If he only wants to text and never asks you out? Next.
- If he doesn’t know what he wants after 3-5 dates? Next.
A man who’s serious about you will make it painfully obvious. If you’re guessing how he feels, he’s not your guy.
5. Look Like the Best Version of YOU
I’m gonna say it: Men are visual. It doesn’t mean you need to be a supermodel, but effort matters. When you feel good, you radiate confidence—and that’s what attracts high-quality partners.
- Invest in your wardrobe – Feminine, flattering, polished.
- Prioritize self-care – Exercise, eat well, drink water, get your glow on.
- Find your signature scent – Patti swears by fragrance and aura. Make an impression before you even say a word.
6. Hold Off on Sex (Yes, Really)
Patti’s Three-Month Rule is non-negotiable. No sex for 90 days.
- It weeds out men who only want something casual.
- It builds emotional connection first.
- It keeps you in control.
7. Stop Making Excuses for Trash Behavior
Patti has seen every dating mistake in the book, and here’s what you need to avoid:
- ❌ Texting too much before meeting – Virtual relationships are a waste of time.
- ❌ Dating a guy with no plan – If he’s confused, move on.
- ❌ Lowering standards out of fear – There are great men out there. Act like it.
- ❌ Fixing broken men – You’re not his therapist.
8. Be Open, But Stay Disciplined
Your “type” might be the very thing keeping you single. Be open to dating outside your usual box.
9. Manifest the Love You Deserve
Patti believes in the power of manifestation, affirmations, and visualization—and so do I.
10. Love is Just Getting Started at 40+
Your best love stories are still ahead of you. Step into your next great love story. ❤️